The Relationship Ended. Now What?

Everyone is destined to experience life-altering challenges that will redefine their journey. A breakup is one of them. It carries the weight of a heavy burden that leaves you in despair. When faux love fades and heartbreak sets in, faith arises and beckons you to seek healing and wholeness. So how do you handle the end of a relationship? Let’s delve into practical steps to help you transition from one ending to a new beginning.

Any romantic relationship that hinders the one you have with God is a distraction. It's always somebody who you have no business getting involved with that gives you the most unforgettable memories which makes it even harder to move on. I’m sure there’s at least one person that comes to mind. If they don't draw you closer to Jesus, then it's not meant to be. A godly relationship should exemplify 1 Corinthians 13:4-6. Anything else is not God’s will for your love life. Once you accept this truth, a tough but necessary decision must be made. If you desire to move on and experience spiritual renewal, adhere to the words of Peter in Acts 13:18-19. He says, “Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away. Then times of refreshment will come from the presence of the Lord, and he will again send you Jesus, your appointed Messiah.” Repentance saved me and can do the same for you.

After you repent, the next step is to extend and receive forgiveness. Let's be real. One of the last things a person wants to do after a breakup is forgive especially if it was a nasty one. Emotions flare while trying to navigate the new normal of embracing singleness and doing life without that former special person. Though it may seem they are undeserving, this is where grace and mercy exert their power. Forgiveness is not just for them. It's for you too. Mark 11:25 states, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

Going through the process of forgiveness is exasperating. This rollercoaster takes you for a ride that stirs up a variety of emotions. Regret comes from realizing how much time, effort, and money had been wasted. Shame strickens as a result of compromising standards and values. Embarrassment creates its own narrative that produces humiliation after being exposed in the media and disappointment of a failed union. Although those are valid feelings, they can't deter your destiny. The blessing that's coming is going to outweigh all hurt and restore honor. Isaiah 61:7 declares, “Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.” Lift up your head and walk in confidence ready to seize your inheritance. The joy of the Lord is your portion!

There is no heartbreak too great for the Lord to heal. In fact, He welcomes us to cast our burdens on Him in 1 Peter 5:7. Healing is not linear which means there is no deadline to achieve wholeness. Invite God into your healing process and allow restoration to take place. His mercies are new every day so keep giving those ill feelings to Him until the detox is complete.

One day, I was scrolling through my gallery and saw some screenshots from previous romantic ties. You know those screenshots that were being saved to be used as evidence or motive in a future argument. Although I was single, they were still buried in my gallery. Now how could I expect to fully move on when I was holding on to grievances that didn't support my growth? I had to take charge of my own deliverance! This included deleting pictures, removing contacts, muting or unfollowing on social media, and disassociating in real life. It was unnecessary to retain things from the past. I don't live there anymore. They had to GO.

Those old memories are sustaining the attachment and holding you hostage. Get rid of them!!! 

In addition to letting go, it's important to address what happened and how it made you feel. Healing involves grieving. Don't let your pride get in the way of your process. You need to allow yourself to feel the wide range of emotions that come with moving on. It's a part of the journey. If the severity of a relationship or breakup was so tumultuous and produced traumatic experiences, I advise you to seek professional help from a psychotherapist. They are certified specialists that are equipped to help you overcome various challenges including trauma and stress related issues. Find a provider here. https://traumaprevention.com/tre-provider-list/

Tip: Some counselors accept employee assistance program (EAP) referrals. Check out your employer’s benefits then get authorization for the EAP to cover the sessions. If accepted, then up to six sessions will be covered at no cost to you.

It's so easy to become bitter and spiteful once a relationship has ended. Seek God and allow him to heal you so you can release every negative thought or feeling associated with your past relationship. This, in turn, will prepare your heart to receive who you truly deserve. You don't want for your next significant other to pay for what your ex did. 

No past hurt is worth ruining any future relationships.

Scripture references:

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” -Psalm 34:18

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” -Psalm 147:3

A breakup is life-altering but it doesn't change God's plans for you. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” You had a purpose before AND after the breakup. Don't waste your time while in a single season. As you devote yourself to doing kingdom work, the Lord will do a work in you. He knows your heart's desires and will grant them according to His will and timing. Read one of my previous blog posts for five ways to maximize your singleness.

A lot is lost after a relationship ends, but even more is gained by choosing to repent, forgive, heal, and pursue purpose. While the relationship didn’t go as desired, moving on instead of remaining bound in an unhealthy situation is a wise decision which takes courage. Allow yourself some time to adjust as you boldly embrace a new season.

“Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.” -John 16:24

Written with grace,

Kiala

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Instead of drowning your sorrows in sad R&B songs, fill your atmosphere with worship music to saturate yourself in God’s presence and turn your heartbreak into hope. Here are a few recommendations:

Jekalyn Carr- You Carried Me

Phil Thompson- My Response 

Bishop Paul S. Morton- Never Be Bound Again 

Tasha Cobbs Leonard- This is the Freedom

Maverick City- Freedom Looks Good on You

Blanca- Something Better

Madison Ryann Ward- A New Thing

Pastor Mike Jr- Single & I Love It

Tasha Cobbs Leonard- You’re Gonna Get The Glory

Pastor Mike Jr.- Cut the Tie

Contagious ft. Breona Lawrence- Remedy

Pastor Mike Jr.- Done

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Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Savior? If not, say this prayer:

Dear Lord Jesus,

Come into my life. I accept You as my Lord and personal Savior. I believe in my heart that You died and rose from the dead to save me. Thank You, Lord, for saving me in Jesus' name. Amen.

If you prayed this prayer, then congratulations! All of your sins are now forgiven and you have been born again. Heaven is rejoicing!